So, normally I don’t consider myself a man-hater, feminist, or anything of the sort.  I typically get along better than men and understand them more frequently than women…hence why I’m not gay.  But occasionally…I find myself extremely disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed with the more masculine sex…and sometimes a bit jealous.  So for your viewing pleasure…here are the top reasons why I wish I was a man today:

–so I could have ambiguous sex with someone the same day I ended a 2 year relationship without guilt
–so I could watch porn alone while in a relationship and not feel any remorse or guilt for my partner
–so I could beat up my friends and go have a beer after
–so I could chalk up my alcoholism and drug additions to socially acceptable behaviors
–so I could justify my quarter and mid-life crisis as part of my manhood and laugh about it
–so I could be a sexist pig and still get laid by hot bitches (fucking women)
–so I could get ready for the day in 10 minutes or less and be accepted by society
–so I didn’t have to talk or communicate on a daily basis because that’s what is expected of me
–so society in general would have lower expectations of me at all

~Cheers to having a dick and being one